Today I'm in Paris and I had to sneeze.
That doesn't sound too bad, but when I sneezed I noticed everyone - I mean every single person in the bustling Charles de Gaulle airport terminal 2c turned and looked at me. I think this was because I just happened to be standing under a giant banner with a three feet tall warning about swine flu.
A couple of Germans next to me immediately slapped on their paper masks. So of course I had to tell them:
"Das wird nicht helfen. Est is nur die Taube."
Which I had hoped to mean, "That won't help. It's just the dust." But judging from their wide-eyed reaction, I thought back on my crusty old German and realized I just said,
"That won't help. It's only a pigeon."
"Er," I said, after consulting the miracle of Google translate on my iPhone. "Ich meine zu sagen der Staub."
But it didn't help because they were walking quickly away. I knew I had to sneeze again, but I didn't want to freak out the French family that had taken the Germans' place. If I did, all I'd be able to say to them would be something along the lines of "I'm on vacation. My brother has taken the train to Lyon. Do you have a room with a bathtub?"
I guess I'll never make the short list for diplomat.
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